Who Stole the Refrigerator?

Once upon a time in my history long ago there was an evangelist who we were all enamored with named Mike Warnke. Before the shit hit the fan and he was exposed, he was very popular and told some wild stories about drug abuse, satanism and Vietnam. All of that is neither here nor there but gave a little anecdote about what it was like to stay stoned. It was funny.

Warnke said, “you’d get stoned and stay that way for three weeks. When you come down you go for some food that may be left in your refrigerator. Then you get stoned again and it wears off in a week or two and you find someone has stolen your refrigerator.”

The Trip

I may have hacked that fabrication to death but the point is that when you’re stoned you don’t know what the hell is going on around you nor anything else. It’s the Acid and The Trip, that fills your mind. That, my humble friend, is precisely what religion, christianity in particular, is like.


This little post was inspired by my daily travels through an app called LongWalks. It’s an intriguing app, There’s not a lot there but what is there is kind’a fun. On LongWalks there’s a set of questions, fill in the blank, every day. There’s a primary question and then there are “groups” where other questions are asked. Those questions are all over the map and often don’t even relate to the particular group but they are great to generate thought bubbles for your brain. This morning I was struck once again by the dichotomy that exists between the very religious and the not-so-religious on the site.

Mental Health?

For example, under the “Mental Health” group heading the question was, “I find a lot of comfort in knowing ________________.” I tossed in “this too shall pass.” Others said knowing there parents, that they are trying, that “my ex is in a different town,” and general things like that. But the religious among the crowd went in a different direction. They take comfort in knowing “Jesus wins!” There’s another one that says, “…Jesus loves me even though I’m crap…” (isn’t that sad?) A third said, “…that my faith is strong.” Their lives are not defined by themselves but by their “relationship to god.” By The Trip.


I see it every day. Every question where an answer lends itself to god or faith or anything like it they interject their religious views. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s weird, and sometimes it’s just sad (like the one above). Another question goes, “I am grateful for the place I live because ____________.” Most people said, “because it’s beautiful,” or “because it’s home,” and all kinds of thing like that. But the christian says something else: “…I believe it’s where God wants me.” Arg.


LongWalks is a microcosm of life as a christian. It’s The Trip, it’s always The Trip! Steal their refrigerator, rip the floor from beneath them, do whatever you want but as long as they’re in The Trip nothing matters other than the one way communication between them and an absent god. Fuck the world and let it burn! All they live for is The Trip!

Therein lies the danger. Because christians live in a world outside ours they can not simply ignore us. They ignore what we say and do. But worse, they can, within their own little sphere, undertake schemes that entirely undermine the community, the government and the world. Skilled manipulators who know how to reach them in The Trip manipulate them into believing really stupid stuff and lead them to service not to god but to the manipulators.


Because The Trip is dictated not by “the bible,” or even “the spirit,” but by those manipulators (ministers, evangelists, etc.), christians believe light is dark, right is left, up is down. This has turned a considerable minority of Americans into anti-American slaves hell-bent on burning the damn refrigerator up! It’s scary!


Warnke, the guy mentioned above, was exposed in 1992 as a total fraud. He’d invented many stories about his service to satan, experience in Vietnam, and other things simply to entertain and make religious points. If he’d presented them as fables he might have survived as an evangelist. He didn’t. He told the stories as his own life history. He trashed that most sacred thing, ministry, which is where The Trip comes from. His fall, as the fall of other evangelists, preachers and church leaders, led some to come down from The Trip and actually use their brain again. Most, however, pigeonholed his demise and forgot about it. That’s what people on The Trip do.


If all those evangelicals were only circulating the May Pole and chanting mantras they’d just be amusing. But because their handlers are pressing them forward to literally turn the world over to dictators, they are poisonous to we who still use our refrigerator and still hold to things like freedom, liberty, justice and those other things in the Declaration of Independence we love.


I must go from the whimsical to the deadly serious now. I must insist the sane among us, the teetotalers who have come down from The Trip or never took it, actually stop hiding behind the skirts of anonymity and make a voice for sanity and reality. Take advantage of your majority while you have it. If you don’t you’ll find your whole life spoiled and you’ll be screaming, “who stole the fucking refrigerator?!”

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